I relaxed.
I went to see the famous doctor.
I relaxed.
I started acupuncture.
I relaxed.
I take my vitamins.
I relaxed.
I have been kind to my body for the last 3 months. THREE MONTHS of doing things right. Three months of finally feeling good. And for what? For it to all go to shit again.
It all started when I got my results back from the routine pap I had done in the famous doctor's office. I was sent an email from one of the office managers saying that I had evidence of high risk HPV in my pap and that I need to see a gyno immediately to have a colposcopy. Not an email you want to get. Then I looked at it and saw that the name and date of birth were wrong. I was relieved. I send an email back saying that the pap send to me was not mine. To make a very long and infuriating story short. It was informed that due to a clerical error my name and date of birth were entered incorrectly. Are you effing kidding me, Famous Doc? How can something like this happen?
Really God, really!?
So since they fucked up so bad I went for another liquid pap to make sure that I do, in fact, have high risk HPV. Surprisingly, I managed to stay relaxed. I reminded myself that there was no point in worrying until there was something to worry about. Instead I used the opportunity to go to a new doctor here in Delhi. I was feeling pretty good about things after seeing her.
It didn't last too long. As it turns out I DO, in fact, have high risk HPV.
Really God, really!
I'm a 35 year old married woman. How do I suddenly have HPV? How was this not checked in the last two paps I've had here? How did my IVF doc not see that there was something going on?
Really God, really!
Today I had my colposcopy. Luckily my period ended in time for me to go have the procedure today. We had off from school today for Eid. I tried to tell myself that I was grateful for this. I tried to stay calm. For some reason I just could help but sob on the operating room table as I waited for New Doc to come and take a look at my cervix. Did I know that I had reason to sob? Did I know that it wasn't going to be good news? Have I done something so bad that I deserve this? My cervix is covered with pre-cancer cells, covered. I'm still asking why no one noticed this the countless times doctors have been up in my business.
Really God, really!
The effected area is so big that I have to miss work on Friday to have a procedure that calls for me to be put under with general anesthesia. It means that I will need to allow my cervix to heal for up to three months before we can start trying to get pregnant again.
Really God, really!
And now, my acupuncture doctor might break up with me.
Really God, really!
Dare I ask...
What else could possibly go wrong?
