Friday, May 13, 2011

Moving Forward, New Diet and New Doc

In the last year and a half I have gained about 18 pounds due to stress and fertility drugs. I'm only 5'3 so that's quite a lot. I saw pictures of myself back in march and couldn't believe how I looked. I was always thin and in shape. So when the scale tipped at 131 pounds I decided that I had to do something about it. I had never been on a diet in my life and had no idea where to begin. My friend, Kelly, introduced me to the slow carb diet. Basically I cut out all kinds of crappy carbs and replaced them with beans. I also increased my veggie intake, which was already pretty good. Between IVF #1 and number #2 I lost 11 pounds in about three weeks. I felt great! I noticed how much better I felt not eating wheat. I don't think I suffer from celiac disease or anything but I think that I can do without so much wheat. The first week or two was great. Although, I have to admit it got old by the third week. I longed for the cheat day all week long. The day after the cheat day I remembered that wheat and I don't get along so well. Once I went in for my egg retrieval I stopped the diet but was still very conscious of what I ate.
In those few weeks I managed to maintain my wait. So after IVF #2 failed I decided to give it a try again. This time I'm not being nearly as restrictive. I am reading The Fertility Diet and am using a lot of the suggestions in there as well. I've switched to whole milk for my coffee instead of slim or soy. That goes for yogurt, as well. According to the slow carb rules you're not supposed to eat fruit. I just can't buy into that. This time around is also the end of the school year. There is a social function just about every day. It's been really hard not to cheat but I've managed to lose two pounds in one week. I only have 6 or 7 more pounds to go until I reach my wedding wait. I hope I can do it before we leave for summer in two weeks. The hardest part isn't the food, it's the wine. And I know that drinking wine is not helping my fertility. I guess I just have to have the same mindset as I would if I were pregnant. sigh.
Another really big development is that I also have an appointment with Dr. Sami David on July 14th. I just read his book Making Babies. I'm really inspired by it. I want to talk to a doctor who will answer my questions. I want a doctor who will try to really figure out why I'm not getting pregnant. I know that I have a low ovarian reserve. But I don't know how low or what that really means. I don't know how many more IVF cycles I can take, if any. My current doctor won't even talk to me about other options. I want to know if something LESS invasive might actually work for me. Or, I should just give up trying to use my own eggs and go with a donor eggs. I'm really hoping that we can be like one of those couples in the anecdotals in Making babies where Dr David discovers some easy solution to the problem. I'd be happy if he just listed some viable options for me and helped us to decide which one is best for us. For now, I'm patiently waiting...

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Back to Square One

Beta: 3.1
Doc says it's probably just left over HGC from the shot I had last week. I'm stopping all meds. I'm still pretty numb. I haven't cried yet. I do have a bottle on wine opened so I'm sure the tears will follow soon.
Not sure what to do now really. We leave for the States in three weeks. We'll visit family and friends for 8 weeks so I guess you can say that we'll have a forced break. I need it, I know I do. We will be getting a second (and possibly third) opinion while we are in NY. I feel like I need a straight talkin' New Yawker to tell me how it is. Sometimes I miss my people. By summer's end I'm sure I'll have some of my accent back.
We have so many different paths to choose from at this point. Which one is the right one?
Do we try a LESS aggressive approach and try Eastern medicine?
Do we look into using donor eggs? I'm only 35 and I'm borderline everything. But at the same time I'm just so ready. I'm tired of waiting.
Before I go I want to send a heartfelt thank you out into the universe to all the amazing people who have been wonderful supportive friends to me while I've been on this journey. To my husband who, even though it drives him crazy, let's me be the boss. To my mother and my aunt for their love and support. To my countless girlfriends (and my two favorite guyfriends) who, amazingly, alway know just what to say. I am so blessed to have so many strong women (and men) in my life. To my teaching team who have covered my ass at all the missed meetings. To my principal and assistant principal who have shown me kept me in their prayers since the beginning. I admire both of you. And to the housing director. It was not easy talking to him about my ovaries but he was so compassionate and understanding. He really kept my situation in mind when assigning housing to us for next year. Thank you

Update: half a glass of wine in mom called... tears.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Beta waiting...

Well, I went for my beta today. I wasn't planning to it just sort of happened that way. Yesterday when I went to the chemist to get more syringes I just happened to pick up a pregnancy test or two. I'd been thinking about this coming weekend and getting really nervous. You see, I was supposed to wait until Saturday to get the beta done. Saturday is a very busy day for both Jason and I. He has a stag night and I would hate for him to miss it if the news was not good. I thought if I could get the news a day or two early then I'd be fine by Saturday. I also have a girls night with some friends that are leaving India in three weeks and I really didn't want to miss out on that. Somehow, I also have to get report cards written for all my little perfect angels. Each child gets a personal anecdotal report of about 200-300 words. Needless to say, it's time consuming.
So I called Dr. V. and asked her if I could come in a day or two early. I told her that I had taken a urine test and it was negative so there is a really good chance that the beta would be too. I have one little shred of hope left though. The tests here in India are no where near as sensitive as the ones you can get in the states. So the doctor said I could come on into the IVF lab and get blood drawn this afternoon. I have to wait until tomorrow to get the results because I didn't get there until almost 4pm. She did warn me that even at 16 days past transfer the results could be inconclusive. So tomorrow after 11am I can call her to find out what the beta says. I'm not quite sure how I feel. I guess tomorrow we'll know...