Thursday, April 28, 2011

8 more days!

This week has been a blur. Thankfully, the end is coming into focus. There have been ups and downs along the way.
Friday night was such fun! The faculty threw a big party for some of our fellow teachers who are leaving us this year. Two of the couples that are leaving are dear friends of ours. They were even at our wedding in Thailand. It's so sad to see them go but it was a great party full of laughs, hugs and tears. After a few hours of dancing and mingling it was time to go and pick up my mother and aunt from the airport.
Saturday we took it easy. Mom brought some bagels from New York! They were still perfect, even after the long flight. We did some shopping, ate some yummy indian food and got to bed early so we'd be fresh for our early morning train adventure.
Sunday morning we were up bright and early to catch a train to agra to see the Taj Mahal. It was a lovely day of site seeing and lounging by the pool finished off with more yummy indian food.
Monday morning we woke at the crack of dawn to watch the sun rise on the Taj Mahal. It was perfection. I had never actually been to the Taj. I had planned to go with friends one of my first weekends here three years ago. But, Jason decided to fly into Delhi and ask me to marry him so I was distracted for the weekend and never did make it. That morning I woke up with a bit of a sore throat. I should know by now that here in India a sore throat is bad news. By that afternoon I had a fever and sinus congestion. The worst part was that our train didn't get back into Delhi until after 11pm and we had to get up for work the next morning. It was a very uncomfortable ride back.
When I woke on Tuesday morning I knew I still had a fever and that the congestion had moved to me chest. I got up anyway, showered and dragged my ass to work. This year I've had some really difficult parents and several of them had already complained that I had been missing school so I felt like I had to go. Anyway I didn't make it very long. I even tried to go down to the health office and have a nap but the nurses, who know of my situation because they give me my 3pm shot, scolded me and sent me home.
By Wednesday I still had a fever. It was never higher than 99.8, just high to make me very uncomfortable but not high enough to warrant medication. I decided to stay home and rest one more day. I was really being horribly selfish, wasn't I? Wednesday night I tossed and turned with anxiety. I knew parents would begin getting into a tizzy about my absence. Let me give you a little background here. I happen to work at a very prestigious embassy school. It is known as one of the best in the world. I am lucky to be at such and incredible place. I'm also very deserving to be here. I'm a damn good teacher. Unfortunately, some people are horrible and negative no matter how much you care for their children's education and wellbeing.
Sure enough, as soon as I arrived Thursday morning my wonderful full time instructional assistant informed me that 2 parents had gone to both the assistant principal AND the principal to complain about it. Never in all my years of teaching have I been treated like this by my students' parents. One of our missions at our school is to teach compassion. Children are so naturally compassionate it is such a pleasure being surrounded by them all day long. We are all so blessed to be able to know and love so many others who are unlike us. It is baffling that these loving, compassionate children have such mean spirited, sneaky parents. One of the parent's complaints today was that on my facebook status I wrote, "Back to the grind. Seven week and counting!" She accused me of not liking my job because of what I said. First of all, what the hell are you doing looking at my facebook page? We're not friends. This woman had to go and look me up in order for her to see that. She's a horrible horrible person. I have since reset my security settings so that only friends can see anything I post. Thankfully, my principal stopped her and asked her to stop and think for just one moment why I might be missing school days. She asked the parents to trust me and have some compassion and understanding. I really love my principal. I've never felt more supported by an administrator. She is a strong woman and I appreciate and admire her strength.
Anyway, sorry for the rant. I had to get it off my very congested chest. The last thing I need is this stress. I still have eight days until I go for my beta. I've been feeling crampy for the last few days. So that's been worrying me. I know, I know cramping could be a good sign. It could also be a bad sign. I don't feel any other symptoms. I've never wanted to feel nauseous so bad in my life. I'd even take a dizzy spell here or there. But, like I said, the end is in sight. I think I might actually make the whole 20 days without peeing on a stick. This weekend is going to be busy with a bachelorette party and my mom and aunt's final days. After the weekend, it's only 5 days until the beta.

Thursday, April 21, 2011


Just two days ago I was feeling great. I was really excited about how well my embryo transfer went and overall just felt full of hope. But today, looking at the calendar at the long wait ahead of me I just don't know if I can make it. Has it really only been three days since my transfer?

I have so much to do at work and all I did today was stare at my computer screen and my plan book. And to top it off I feel super grouchy. It's not fun for anyone in second grade when the teacher is grouchy.

I know this is all from the PIO shots and all the other crap I'm on. Is this how I'm going to feel for the next two weeks? Will I get it all done?

Will I be judged if I don't do my best?

What if this doesn't work?

Monday, April 18, 2011

If I only had a blog...

What a weekend it has been. At every turn I just kept thinking that I should have a blog. I've thought about it a few times over the past 6 months or so but I kept hoping that I was at the end of my IVF journey and then it'd be one of those annoying IVF blogs that immediately turns into a pregnancy blog. Well here I am, still on my journey so what the hell. I'm going to give this blogging thing a try.

Let's begin with Friday. It was a pretty typical Friday. Spring fever is running rampant at school, teachers and students alike are effected. The second grade team was going out for a happy hour at a local restaurant to celebrate the year coming to an end. Later I met up with Jason at the American Club. I hadn't been feeling well all day. I had been constipated for a few days, from what I have no idea. I live in India sometimes it's best not to try and figure it out. Jason and I decided to go home early and try to get a good night's rest before the big day.

I woke up on Saturday with intense stomach cramps and diarrhea (thank you India). On the way to the hospital I thought for sure that I wasn't going to make it. All I kept thinking was that the retrieval would have to be cancelled. I just couldn't imagine the anesthesiologist allowing me to go under if I had diarrhea. After running to the restroom I went to check in. Since my last IVF attempt the hospital where the IVF lab is has changed its policy about egg retrieval. They were now requiring that IVF patients be admitted on the day of the retrieval so that they can be more closely monitored. So it was 9:15 and we were checking in. They said my bed wasn't ready so we sat and waited about a half hour during which I had more diarrhea. When I got back from the restroom one time my husband suggested that we check to see how long it would be. The admitting desk said it would be about 2 more hours wait for my bed. I lost my cool a bit with the admitting clerk. I told him that I had reserved a bed two days earlier and that I was an IVF patient and that I had to be in the IVF lab for my procedure. I said something along the lines of, "you have no idea how to do your job and I am important so don't ignore me." I lose my cool like this on a fairly regular basis when dealing with Indian bureaucracy. I know it's not cool but sometimes when emotions are running high it's hard to stay calm. So I marched myself up to the IVF lab where I knew I would be taken care of. I burst into tears as soon as saw the nurses. They put me at ease and said they weren't going to cancel the retrieval because of diarrhea, called the doctor and got me on some IV fluids. Then a string of doctors came to see me. Usually Indian doctors don't introduce themselves. Bedside manner is rare here. I'm not sure how many doctors came to see me in the end. Maybe it's because most of them asked me the same questions over and over again. I kept telling them these were the same questions I was asked the day before for my physical fitness test. But they insisted on asking so I answered their silly questions. I don't see how long I've been married has anything to do with having diarrhea but I'm not a doctor. The first doctor was my favorite of all. I'm not sure why he was there because as it turns out he didn't even know I was having diarrhea. Maybe it had something to do with the new policy. He was asking me what I think of India. As ex-pats we get these questions all the time and I answer them politely and try to move on. But this guy then started going on about how over populated India is. Yes, true doc, India is over crowded. Then, I couldn't believe it, he started going on about how fertile India women are, too fertile he said. So I looked at my husband in astonishment and tried to end the conversation by saying, "I wish I had that problem." But it didn't work. He just kept going on. Luckily I had to run out of the room to have diarrhea. Thank god for diarrhea.

Finally it was time for the egg retrieval. I was a little nervous. Getting knocked out is a pretty big deal. But the anesthesiologist did his best to put my mind at ease. His best was whatever drug he shot into my IV. Nothing like getting a little bit stoned before an egg retrieval. The moment I woke up I asked how many eggs were retrieved. Two! OK two is not too bad, we only had three follicles to begin with. Then they wheeled me out to the recovery room. On the way they have to wheel me through the IVF waiting room which was full of other hopeful couples and my dear husband. I have no recollection of this but, apparently I high-fived Jason and said, "it's your turn. go do your job!"

I wish I can say that I recovered from the anesthesia and went home to rest and heal. But we have to go back to the new policy at the hospital. That's right folks, more bureaucracy. So the IVF nurse comes to the recovery room and tells me that I have to go to the bed that is now ready for me. So they wheel me to a completely different part of the hospital. Thankfully Jason was there waiting for me. Of course, Jason and I had a million questions about our after care. First, I was hungry. I wanted to know if I could eat. So I asked the nurse in this general ward if I could. She said I could eat in two hours. So I asked if it was two hours from now or two hours from when I went into the recovery room. She looked at me, did the Indian head bobble and walked away. Jason asked her again to please clarify and we got the same response. So, again, he marched down to the IVF lab and talked to the Dr. V. Then Dr. V, both IVF nurses and their office manager came to see me on the other side of the hospital. The nurses in the general ward were not happy that we went over their heads and they let us know. I explained to them the the IVF lab knows me and my needs very well. I'm not a typical patient and need very specific care. I let Dr. V. know that this new policy that is supposed to protect the patient actually takes her away from the highly skilled care givers that she needs. I made it out of there with one more argument. The nurse ordered 16 gage needle for my PIO shots even after telling her that IVF patients use 24 gage for those shots. She ignored me and still got the 16 gage. I lost my cool again but this time I knew that I had to make sure I got what I needed. Could you imagine getting a 16 gage shot every day for 8 weeks? That's the thing she didn't understand. Finally, we got what we needed and got the hell out of there. It was a nine hour day. I got home and went right to bed to sleep off the anesthesia.

Sunday was a pretty easy day. I had a little more diarrhea but felt much better by 10am. Late afternoon we called Dr. V. to find out if our eggs fertilized. They did! Both of them! We were told to report to the IVF lab Monday morning at 10am.

Monday morning we got up had some breakfast and headed back to the lab. I was feeling really good. Everyone was all smiles when they saw me. When the Dr. V. arrived she said we could go in and look at the embies. The embryologist had given both of them a grade one, one was 4 cells and the other 2. I could just tell that they were so much stronger than our other little guys from our first IVF attempt (two grade three 2 cell embies). Everyone hugged me and congratulated me. It just feels really different this time. We are still being cautious but we are way more hopeful this time.

Today, thanks to my wonderful administrators, I am resting at home.

Now I'm just hoping that a blog will keep my mind off the very, very long wait I have until I can take a pregnancy test. My Doc wants me to wait 20 days! She wants me to take 3 HGC shots over the next ten days to help with luteal support. So the long wait begins. Pop in anytime to read how I'm keeping busy. My mother is coming for a visit so that should be interesting. I hope you enjoy! Sending out big love and positive vibes to the whole IF community! I leave you with a picture of my embies.
~ Kate