Tuesday, May 29, 2012

5 Week Scan!

Since my beta last week I've been having fewer and fewer symptoms.  I still have tender breasts and fatigue.  But, I have gone from feeling hungry all the time to not really feeling like eating much, especially in the evening.  Other than that, I haven't been feeling very pregnant.  I know it's early but I thought because I felt so much so soon I would continue to feel the same symptoms throughout the first few weeks of this pregnancy.  I was beginning to worry in typical infertile fashion.  Luckily I have been so busy packing up my classroom and getting ready to leave India for two months this last week has gone by pretty fast.  

This morning when I woke up looked at my husband and said, "We get to see the babies today." Bold, I know! After  a long day that's just what we did!  After school we rushed off to the clinic for a scan where we saw 2 sacs. TWO SACS! One is looking really great and the other is slightly smaller but still looking really good.  So now I have to find myself a doctor in MN to get me through my first trimester.  The Baby Maker said I can get another scan done in about 10 days to see of both have heart beats.  I would be so unbelievably blessed if one of these sticks around until the very end but I sure do hope both do.  

Tomorrow we make the long journey back to MN.  I am so looking forward to clean, cool air, playing cards, and lazy summer days.  

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


Remember my last post when I asked if I should test or not?  Remember how after that I didn't write any thing, almost as if I was avoiding all of you?  Well I was.  Don't take it personally I just wasn't sure what to say.  I got some really great advice.  Some said to test, that it would ease some of my tension. Some said to stay away from the pee stick, keep myself occupied with other things.  Well on Sunday morning I woke up with a bursting bladder.  Jason was gone on his run out in the desert somewhere.  I had to make a game time decision.  To Pee or Not To Pee.

I peed! And do you know what I got?  A BFP!  It was a without-a-doubt double pink line.  In fact, it has been my new obsession.  I  just love watching that pretty pink line appear.  I've taken one every morning since.  I noticed they weren't getting any darker so I figured I should email the Baby Maker and see if I can come in a day early for my beta.

And so I did! And do you know what I got?  346! Three friggin' hundred forty six! I don't have to go in for a repeat beta because it's so high.  But I will go in for a scan next week so see how the little bugger(s) is/are doing.

My symptoms so far haven't been too bad.  I do have some mild cramping.  Last week it was much worse.  This week it feels more like my uterus is heavy.  I have sore breasts, oh and constipation from the progesterone.

We are so very happy that we've made it this far.  But we  know how early it is and just want to take it one day at a time.  We are cautiously optimistic about this pregnancy.  We are very much aware of all the things that can go wrong.

If you know me in real life please be cautiously optimistic with me.

If you know me online, keep reading to see how the next chapter unfolds.

Friday, May 18, 2012

To Test or Not to Test?

I'm 4dp5dt.  The first few days after my transfer I was feeling like total shit, headache, mild cramping and moodiness.  Today, I feel nothing.  Well I'm a little moody but I think that's just end of the year stress.

I have one HPT from America that should be pretty reliable early and I have 2 or 3 from the local chemist which won't be as reliable.
So the question is, do I test this weekend? If so, should it be Saturday or Sunday?
Do I wait? If so, until when?

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Locked and Loaded

I'm 1dp5dt. Here begins the waiting game.  Luckily since we waited until blast we've done some of the waiting already. I took all day off yesterday even though my transfer wasn't scheduled until 2:00.  In usual fashion, Jason and I arrived about 20 minutes early.  After a long wait, holding my pee the whole time, the baby maker said it was time.  I have 9 lovely blasts.  That was the number I wanted to hear.  I knew that with 9 we'd have a really good chance of one (or two) of those becoming a take home baby.

The transfer itself went well.  It's really uncomfortable having the ultrasound technician push on an already full bladder but overall it wasn't so bad.  Everyone who works at at the clinic are so friendly.  It's so nice to see smiling eyes at every turn.  I really do believe it makes a difference when there is love and hope in the room.  After the transfer I was wheeled back into the room where Jason was waiting for me.  For about forty minutes I lay flat on my back watching The Best of Will Farrell.  It doesn't matter how many time I watch that I laugh every time.  I wondered to myself if I, maybe, shouldn't be laughing.  But, like hope and love, laughter is essential, so it was a fleeting thought.  After I couldn't hold my pee any longer I got up, got dressed, hugged my favorite nurse goodbye and got in the car.

I cried on the way home.  I think it was just a release of so many emotions.  I still feel very hopeful and optimistic.  I, also, feel as though I'm running out of steam a bit.

Today I stayed home from work to rest.  I'm looking forward to getting back and keeping busy until beta day next week.

For now, I'm holding onto hope.  

Saturday, May 12, 2012


I am wishing mothers of all kinds a peaceful Mother's Day. 

Remember, it's a day for us to celebrate our strength and resilience. 

Be kind to yourselves.

Waiting to Blast... Off

The title says it all.  

Things could not be going any better.  All of our embryos are growing beautifully so the Baby Maker has decided that it best we wait and do a 5 day transfer on Monday.

So, our little over achievers, all 18 of them, are going to make us wait.  


Thursday, May 10, 2012

Egg Collection Update

Yestderday was one of those days that just dragged and dragged.  I woke up feeling nervous, anticipation coming out of my ears.  Egg collection wouldn't be until 6pm.  I wondered how I would make it through the day.  Some how I did but it was not a very porductive day.  I did my best to keep myself occupied until 5pm when we got into the car to head to the clinic. 

Every time we have ever gone there we've taken a different route.  Delhi's roads twist and turn and all pretty much look the same to me but somehow Jason navigates them.  As usual, we found ourselves on a road we had not planned on being but managed to find our way eventually.  Anticipating this I was able to remain calm and due to our early departure we arrived right on time. 

On our arrival we were greeted by the friendly faces of the clinic's team.  We were led into the waiting area and a few chats were had about us.  I was put in one room where I'd receive my PIO injection and Jason was sent into another room where he did his business (teehee).  Then we were on our way.  Yup, that was all!  We were there for a total of about 15 minutes.

Shortly after arriving back home we received an email from the Baby Maker.  Our donor had produced 22 eggs, 18 of which, were mature!

18  EGGS!

If you thought I was optimistic a couple days ago you should see me now!

18 EGGS!

Now we are waiting for the fertilization report. Tomorrow we decide when to do the transfer, how many to transfer and see how many we'll have left to freeze.

Did I tell you...

18 EGGS!

Saturday, May 5, 2012


Last year, when we were beginning the IVF process, I was feeling very optimistic.  Even after my first ultrasound I was optimistic.  I only had four follicles growing and yet, I was optimistic.   Our mantra was, "it only takes one."  On our second attempt things were pretty much the same.  I had four follicles, only two of which produced eggs, and yet, I remained optimistic, repeating my mantra over and over again.  When our attempts failed I was devastated.  I felt the loss just as I would have had I had a miscarriage.  I felt like a failure.  I felt broken, and yet, I remained optimistic.  I hear people say that they don't want to get their hopes up too high because they don't want to be let down.  I don't believe that if I hadn't been optimistic I would have felt less devastated, less of a failure.  Throughout this journey, I've tried both optimism and  despondency and what I have found is that the feelings of devastation and failure are same no matter how you approach something.  

Here we are a year and a half later on a new path and I continue to be optimistic.  I am not foolish, I know there are no guarantees, but I don't know how to be any other way.  Possibility is invigorating.  This time, much more than any other time, I am filled to the brim with optimism.  Whenever I take another step forward I feel my chest fill up and I feel my face brighten.  This is how I choose to move through this journey.  This is how who I want to BE, no matter what the outcome.

And now, my friends, some stats:

Thursday:  After a day with the stomach virus that has spread like wild fire on our campus I went in for a lining check.  All is well.  My lining is fat and juicy at 8.2!

Friday: unrelated, but very exciting!  Bestie had her baby girl!  Veda Grace was born May 4, 2012 at 3:55pm.  Jason and I were invited to the hospital for a sneak peek just hours later.  She's, of course, perfect!

Saturday:  Donor report came in!  It looks like we'll have 17-18 eggs on harvest day!  Oh and now Jason has the virus and he's got it way worse than I had :( (poor Muggy Bear)

Sunday: I'm going in for another lining check.  Um, did anyone notice that it's Sunday?  The baby maker is going to be there anyway so she's going to see me for a quick check.  I'm glad for it too, because this way I don't have to miss any more work on Monday. :)

Wednesday:  This will be egg collection day!  Eek!