It's been about a week since my five week scan. A lot has happened in this past week. Jason and I have travelled half way across the world from Delhi to Minnesota. It was a long journey that took a total of about 36 hours. I'm happy to report that we've all, Tashi included, settled in nicely to life on the lake. Our days are filled with cooking, eating, napping, and projects around the house. We've taken a few jaunts to the nearby town for some shopping too. Although I still haven't quite adjusted to not having regular access to internet it hasn't been too bad. Overall life is pretty damn good. I have very little to complain about and yet, still, I worry.
Today I'm six weeks pregnant. Most of the time I don't feel very pregnant and that worries the crap out of me. I keep questioning if I'm tired because of jet lag or if it's because I'm pregnant. The sore breasts could just be from the progesterone or it could be because I'm pregnant, that goes for the gas and constipation too. I keep telling myself that I should just be grateful that I'm not having debilitating pregnancy symptoms, that maybe, I'll be lucky and have an easy pregnancy. But, I just want to be sure that there really ARE two little beans growing in there.
I have another week to wait until I get to see them again. This wait has been much more difficult than any two week wait I've ever endured. All those other times you just hope it works. All those other times I knew when it hadn't long before the beta. All those other times I had a plan; I knew what my next steps would be.
This time is different.
This time I have so much more to lose.
I don't have a plan for what happens if we don't see any heartbeats.
This time the wait is excruciating.
Today I'm six weeks pregnant. Most of the time I don't feel very pregnant and that worries the crap out of me. I keep questioning if I'm tired because of jet lag or if it's because I'm pregnant. The sore breasts could just be from the progesterone or it could be because I'm pregnant, that goes for the gas and constipation too. I keep telling myself that I should just be grateful that I'm not having debilitating pregnancy symptoms, that maybe, I'll be lucky and have an easy pregnancy. But, I just want to be sure that there really ARE two little beans growing in there.
I have another week to wait until I get to see them again. This wait has been much more difficult than any two week wait I've ever endured. All those other times you just hope it works. All those other times I knew when it hadn't long before the beta. All those other times I had a plan; I knew what my next steps would be.
This time is different.
This time I have so much more to lose.
I don't have a plan for what happens if we don't see any heartbeats.
This time the wait is excruciating.
I had the same feelings when I was pregnant with my twin boys. I didn't really feel pregnant at first. I was nervous about everything the entire pregnancy. Everytime I went to the doctors I was convinced there would be bad news. I would love to say be positive but that is impossible. When you work so hard for something it is so difficult not to worry about everything. I actually never got some of the typical pregnancy symptoms but I did eventually start feeling sick and exhausted around the nine week mark.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you!
I too hardly had any pregnancy symptoms at the beginning. I kept waiting to have some solid symptoms and maybe even some nausea or morning sickness like I had heard about from friends and other blogs. What I finally came to realize is the minor things I was feeling were "my" pregnancy symptoms. Try to not worry too much that you aren't feeling too much in the way of symptoms and definitely be happy that you aren't sick all the time (I konw I was!). *grin*
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to hear about your next appointment.
Welcome back to the Midwest! Hope the next week flies by. :)
ReplyDeleteFingers and toes crossed for you Kate, stay strong
ReplyDeleteI'm here holding your hand during this wait. I know how brutal it is. Hoping you see two beautiful heartbeats... Focus on your current day and the fun projects and being at the lake. You can do this!! :-)
ReplyDeleteThis is a VERY hard wait! I totally agree. And many of my symptoms were coming and going. I'm sure you will see some wonderful heartbeats in there. Can't wait until your next appointment!!!
ReplyDelete