Thursday, December 6, 2012

On Being Honest

I'm not a natural writer.  Most of my posts require me to dig deep.  In order to write effectively I must allow myself to open up and pour my heart and soul onto the page.  I write and rewrite until I feel that my words are conveying the message that my heart whispers to me.  It takes time and patience and trust.  Often it is difficult for me but it is always worth the effort.  I do it because it helps me heal.  I do it because I believe in the power of connection.  My beliefs, mine and Jason's, are above all, what define us.  It's the one thing that, no matter what, make us who we are.  This journey has helped us to strengthen our beliefs.  It has helped us to define the kind of people we want to be for ourselves, each other and to our children.

One of the things that Jason and I believe in and value is honesty.  From the beginning of this journey we have been honest about what we are going through.  We have been honest with each other, our friends and colleagues and with ourselves even when it wasn't most convenient.  When our insurance company required us to disclose any fertility treatments used to achieve this pregnancy we were honest knowing that it would mean the pregnancy would not be covered according to their policy.  Prenatal care in India is very affordable and although unfair we accepted it and moved on.  Now that we are in the US and in need of some very specialized health care we are facing tens of thousands worth of hospital bills complicating and already complicated situation.  This week we learned of a kind of medicaid for pregnant women.  It was suggested to us that we apply so on Monday we spent hours waiting to see someone that would tell us if we were eligible to apply.  As we sat there among other women and families also waiting to apply Jason and I couldn't help but wonder if we were doing the right thing.  Having some financial assistance would really help alleviate a lot of the stress we are facing right now but we certainly don't feel entitled to it.  We wondered if we would be somehow taking something that someone else needed much more than us.  We are so very blessed in so many ways.  In the end, we answered all their questions with the utmost honesty because that's the only way we know how to be.  We explained our situation in the hopes that maybe we are eligible for some assistance but knowing we probably won't get it.  We won't know for another 4-6 weeks so until then we must proceed paying out of pocket.  If we are eligible and do receive assistance we will find a way to give back and help other families in need.

When all is said and done our savings will probably be depleted and our bank account empty but we will be rich in our hearts.  We will come out the other end of this with integrity and we will be able to share this defining event in our life with our children.

This is who we are, Babies.

This is what we believe.  


  1. So very beautifully said. I very much hope that you are able to get some assistance. You have enough to worry about already, even a small load off will be a help. Fingers crossed!

  2. It seems we are writing each other's posts lately. I have sat in many similar waiting rooms these past 4 months where I felt so incredibly out of place. Both Duane and I have worked and saved all our lives, and unfortunately, America frowns on this when it comes to helping families in need. Do not ever think that you are taking from others. No family, no matter how well off, expects to incur hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills in a matter of weeks/months. The financial/insurance piece is the ugliest part of this process. We are resigned to the fact that we will be paying off medical bills for the rest of our life-- and we are ok with this, because we will never have any regrets when it comes to our Hayden's care. One of the ways I am planning on giving back is creating a cheat sheet for other families in our situation regarding all the available resources at the state and federal levels-- and more importantly, how to access them. If it allows one parent to spend one more hour more focused on being with their child, rather than sitting in one of those waiting rooms, then I will have accomplished my goal. Call or email anytime. xo

  3. It is situations such as yours that these programs were created. They were created to help out when people needed it for a temporary time. I'm sure your intention is not to be on medical assistance for eternity. As a tax payer and a staunch believer in welfare reform...I see no issue in you applying for help when you NEED it. And I have all the confidence in the world that you will move away from it when the time is right. Don't feel badly, don't care what others thing...just do what is in your heart.

  4. You're amazing. Keep staying true to your hearts, and you can't go wrong. You both have done so much for the world community already, don't ever think you are not deserving. Keep loving....the world is lucky to have you, jason and the babies in it :) All my love

  5. I am in total shock that an insurance company won't pay for a pregnany if it is a result of fertility treatments? WTF?

    Is that even legal?


    Get the medicaid/WIC or whatever it is called. Health care in thie country is rediculously expensive, and those uninsured get screwed. I hope you get approved.

  6. agree with the guys above Kate, don’t feel bad for asking for help, wish there was someway to take the pain away for you guys , you both are incredibly strong, im keeping my fingers crossed you are approved x